Duke Nukem: Combat Evolved
Duke Nukem: Combat Evolved 'is a 2016 first person shooter developed by Inora for all major current generation consoles. The game, which is a sequel to 2011's lukewarm recieved ''Duke Nukem Forever, follows Duke in the 20something century, where he is summoned by the DICKBAGS to fight against a new wave of aliens. The game is an over the top parody of many sci-fi franchises, especially Halo. The game was made for the Series Swap Day 2016, and with the goal of finishing it within a week. Reception has been (TBA). Gameplay It's a first person shooter. They're all the goddamn same. You shoot the shit out of aliens, advance through unique levels, and occasionally fight a boss at the end. As with every game in the series, there's a focus on non-linear design with destructible enviorments and interactive objects that provide a diversion, cover, or can be used to advance. Duke's arsenal has changed up a little bit. Duke can fight up close with both his fists and feet (in addition to any melee weapons he picks up), employ ranged weapons, or use a limited number of grenades, a mechanic taken from the Halo ''series. An interesting addition is that weapons lack ammo, and instead work on a heat system. Use your weapon too rapidly and it'll overheat and catch on fire, rendering it useless. In addition, the game has a more advanced health system resembling most modern shooters, rather than having a health bar, his stamina is measured by how red the screen is. Some attacks will only slightly damage Duke, but some are instant kills, making the game a bit harder. If you avoid conflict for long enough, Duke will "relieve" himself, slowly healing his health bar. The other new feature is vehicles, which are piloted in a third person style identical to ''Halo. Shh, don't tell Microsoft. Plot Prologue Following Duke Nukem Forever, Duke runs for president and, against all odds, wins. At his inaguration though, he is attacked by Donald Trump supporters ('''Duke Nukem For Never) and the Secret Service is all pepper sprayed into submission. Duke fends them off himself, but is shot down by a sniper from afar. After saying his famous catchphrase, he dies, and the entire world mourns Duke as a hero and president; naming schools and streets after him and erecting a giant statue of him that replaces the Lincoln Monument. Slowly, the world moves on, but never forgets their 69th president... Episode I: The Duke Awakens Episode I begins in 20XXX, in the 20something century. After state of the art Going Really Fast technology is invented, humanity leaves the desolate Earth behind to colonize other worlds. They do so by uniting into a giant power known as the Deadly Intelligent Conglomerate of Kings, Barons, And Geriatric Shitbags, or DICKBAGS for short. However, this colonization upsets a race of aliens known as the Rly'fukin'nast'ys, who want to claim the entire galaxy for themselves. The DICKBAGS create a super soldier program known as Project: Trojan to fight off the Rly'fukin'nast'ys, and need someone to lead the program. Looking through history for the world's finest warriors, they decide that Duke Nukem is their greatest chance of survival due to his experience with alien invaders, and use futuristic technology to raise him from the dead. Duke is decidedly happy to be back and also interested in sleeping with hot alien women, so he takes up the chance to become a super soldier. After a quick training program that updates him on the advancements and weapons of the time (Die Another Day), he passes the test and is given an armor and a new codename: Lord Commander. He tells them that the name is repetitive and stupid, so they quickly drop it. The DICKBAGS ship Duke out to their weapon stronghold on a desert planet (Cry Me An Oasis), (Into Darkness). He takes down the aliens there and protects most of their weapons, but a select few escape with their explosives. Duke reluctantly retrieves the explosives across a number of planets (Brr), (Things Get Steamy), (Cloud Shitty) and returns back to the DICKBAGS base. There, he's commended for his service and given a medal. Duke plans to celebrate and relax, when the DICKBAGS turn on him and prepare to kill him for unknown reasons. Duke takes down the DICKBAGS and escapes (Plot Twist) in a small pod that sends him to an unknown world outside the DICKBAGS reach. Episode II: Guardians? Duke wakes up on a swampy planet known as Shithole IV inside his wrecked pod. Wondering why the DICKBAGS betrayed him, he battles through the hostile creatures there (From Worst to Worstest) and eventually comes upon an AI scrapped by the DICKBAGS known as Z-Cup. Duke begins to hit on her, when she quickly expresses that she isn't tangible and was left behind by the DICKBAGS due to them replacing her. Both wanting revenge on the DICKBAGS, they decide to team up and use Duke's brawn and Z-Cup's intelligence to take them down. Heading further into the planet, they come upon an armored alien who they kill (Pointless Diversion) and discover that beneath the armor, Duke is inside. Duke asks what the hell is happening, and Z-Cup explains that they have to fill a Star Wars reference quota. The two come upon an X-Wing that they steal (The Subpar Escape) and use to fly to the DICKBAGS base where they quickly realize that 2 people (one who's just an intangible sex object) against an entire army was an awful idea (We Fucked Up). Z-Cup, to save Duke, takes control of a gigantic mecha (Giant Mechs & Shit) and wipes out a number of the soldiers before the mecha is destroyed. This heavily damages Z-Cup, who confesses her love for Duke, who replies with "Cool." before dying. Duke vows to avenge her (before forgetting her name) and flies the base to the DICKBAGS' leaders private fortress (Nuke 'Em) where he slaughters the staff and confronts the commanders, busting into the meeting room. Duke begins an epic speech when he sees that their true leader is Donald Trump and is speechless. Duke is then tazed repeatedly and gets the shit beaten out of him by the commanders. Episode III: Live Free and Chew Hard Duke wakes up and finds that he's tied up and sees Donald Trump. Trump explains that after losing the presidential race, he invested in cryogenics technology and woke up in the future, where The Trump Organization owns most of the countries, and as such, owns the DICKBAGS. Trump then took over the DICKBAGS using his influence and money, and explains that his only goal was to eventually take over everything as the President of the Universe. Duke asks why they brought him back in the first place, and Trump says that he needs to destroy Duke in public combat fairly to prove himself as the superior leader. After commenting on how fucking stupid that is, Duke accepts Trump's challenge and they are taken to a gigantic arena planet where they fight in a giant collesium (Revenge of the Trump). Duke quickly takes down Trump, but Trump explains that he's using nanomachines and quickly heals. In an epic battle, Duke takes down Trump, and the people praise Duke's strength which even wins over the Rly'fuckin'nast'ys, who offer to write a treaty with the DICKBAGS if Duke becomes their new leader. The DICKBAGS reluctantly do so, making Duke the very first President of the Universe. At Duke's inaguration, he is attacked once more, this time by Z-Cup. Duke is baffled, but Z-Cup explains that she survived and became a singularity and plots to rule over the world using robots she's taken over. Z-Cup offers Duke a spot as her husband, but Duke tells Z-Cup that she's fucking nuts and kills her and her robot hivemind (The Final Battle, For Real). Duke tells everyone that he can't deal with the stress and that he's meant to be a simple action hero, leaving them behind. Inspired by Duke's acts, the DICKBAGS and other governing powers unite to create an organization known as the Dignified and Unified Kings, Emporers, and Senators, or DUKES for short. Epilogue Duke, while searching across the galaxy in his spaceship, flies into a vortex, where he ends up at Inora HQ and quickly learns that the entire events of the game happened due to them. Duke shoots his way through the HQ (What Fourth Wall?) and holds Sr.Wario hostage. Sr.Wario explains that Duke is put through all of these challenges to entertain the entire world, something much bigger than either of them. Duke says that he doesn't give a shit and, at gunpoint, forces Sr.Wario to rewrite the entire game, doing a gigantic retcon that returns Duke to right after Duke Nukem 3D, effectively making the last two games pointless wastes of your time and money. In the post-credits scene, Duke is summoned to fight against a brand new alien invasion (Duke Returns), leaving his future open for less shitty games in the future. Characters Enemies *'Trump Supporter': Punching (or shooting bags), these idiotic republicans use pepper spray to stun and do minor damage to Duke. A single attack will have them running for the hills (or Trump Tower), and they're only troublesome when gathered together. *'Punching Bag': Test out your weapons on these surprisingly durable punching bags. Still less pathetic than Trump Supporters. *'Alien Grunt': The bottom of the barrel, these redshirts antagonize Duke almost everywhere. They're rather easy to take down and aren't especially strong. They come in melee and ranged varieties. *'Alien Soldier': A grunt, but better. *'Alien Commander': A soldier, but better. *'Fuzzy': Gigantic yeti rip-offs that live on Chili. They're rather fast and ferocious, attacking with chomping Duke, throwing him, and slashing him. Use stealth to get the jump on these foes. *'Smarmy': Suspiciously yonic monsters that inhabit magma, swamps, and pits. They'll get the jump on Duke and eat him whole. Be prepared when you're in an empty area. *'Pew-Pew': Robot controlled turrets that inhabit many areas. They'll target Duke and shoot him down, so you'll need to be all over the place when fighting them. Rather than destroying them, you'll need to turn the turret off when near it. *'Shitrat': Self-explanatory. These little buggers inhabit Shithole-IV and aren't especially durable but are small, fast, hard to catch, and can bite Duke to make him sick. *'Shitbug': Self-explanatory. These insects fly around Shithole-IV and are incapable of damaging Duke, but just stun him by pecking at him to antagonize him. Fuckers. *'Sigh-Fighter': The main enemies of the special fly and shoot level. They fly. And shoot. *'Sigh-Fighter ADVANCE': Like the Sigh-Fighter, but with CAPITAL LETTERS! *'Z-Bot': Robots controlled by Z-Cup. They're durable robots that can utilize the traits of every enemy in the game, and even copy Duke himself. These are tough fighters, especially when gathered. *'Staff Member': Inora developers. These hopeless geeks won't put up a fight, just beat the shit out of them for fun, you sadistic bastard! Bosses *'General H'oll'i'sh'tt': One of the high ranking Rly'fuckin'nast'ys and the boss battle of Into Darkness. He resembles an average alien but is much more heavily armed, having a laser shotgun and several smoke grenades, as well as intimate knowledge of the base. His strength is in stealth and surprise, so you'll want to follow him very closely if you want to win. *'Snowflake': A gigantic Fuzzy covered in ice crystals and the boss of Brr. She's massive and has all the qualities of a Fuzzy, as well as ice crystals that protect her and can breathe ice. Duke needs to keep his distance and use his strongest ranged attacks to break the crystals and hurt her. *'The Motherfucking Lava-Inhabiting Robo-Dragon': An invention of the aliens (I'm too lazy to type out their full names at this point) from Things Get Steamy, the MFLIRD is exactly what it's name indicates. It'll fly around and swim through the lava to pop up on Duke and breathe flame onto him. Duke needs to constantly move around to focus upon the dragon and avoid it's attacks. *'Spread Eagle': A gigantic robotic eagle that fights Duke in Cloud Shitty, it'll fly around, scream loudly, and lay explosive eggs onto Duke. Duke will need to use the ziplines and jetpacks effectively because the Spread Eagle never comes to Duke's level. *'Armored Alien': An armored alien that's actually Duke. Who gives a fuck. He's in Pointless Diversion and is basically just Dark Link, but for Duke. *'DICKBAGS-001': A gigantic mech that appears in Giant Mechs & Shit, obviously. It can use everything Z-Cup's mecha can, and is faster and more durable. Your only advantage is that you're smarter, so you'll need to play mind games. *'Donald Trump': The final boss who appears in Revenge of the Trump. He's the toughest foe so far, using nanomachines to absorb damage and heal, and also enhancing his strength. To defeat him, use your strongest attacks quickly and keep your distance, because Trump lacks ranged attacks. *'Z-Cup': The real final boss!!!! Liked this character???? I don't care!!!! Fuck you!!!! She can take the form of various robots, each having talents and skills based upon each boss battle before her. Destroy all of them to finally defeat her. Stuff Weapons *'Pistol': A weapon of the past. It has low ammo, isn't powerful, and isn't fast, but it........actually it just sucks. Fuck this thing. *'Laser Pistol': Basically a pistol, but FUTURISTIC. This means it has no ammo but rather has the high tech heat system of the other weapons. And it shoots lasers, motherfucker. *'Laser Shotgun': A great weapon that has low range. But in a close-up fight, it's an invaluable tool, having incredible power. Incredible laser-y power. It overheats rather quickly though. *'Eye Blaster': An incredibly fast and powerful weapon that uses the eyes of dead Rly'fuckin'nast'ys as ammo. Jesus christ, that shit is intense. It overheats pretty quickly, so try to use it sparingly. *'Vortex Grenade': A rather different weapon, in that you need to collect these to use them. They're rather rare, but dangerous if used effectively. Throw them to create an explosive vortex that will suck up nearby enemies. Just keep your distance. *'Trash Can': This weapon resembles a vacuum, and can be used to suck in hostiles and compact them into little pieces. It's rather slow but very powerful if used correctly, and doesn't overheat for a while. *'Sticky Buns': This weapon overheats after only a few blasts, but is incredibly powerful as it launches sticky bombs that'll blow the shit out of the opponent. If you miss though, it'll backfire terribly. *'Flame Blaster': This weapon is pretty basic. It overheats rather quickly, but also shoots FLAME, son! *'Ice Blaster': Another self-explanatory weapon. It does no damage but it takes a long time for it to overheat, considering that it's an ice blaster after all. *'Electro Blaster': Electrocute your opponent! It won't last long, but can be quite the tool in close-quarters combat. *'Sneeze Shooter': Blast out pure, unfiltered germs onto the opponent. It doesn't do much at first, but over time, it'll whittle away at their health. It doesn't overheat very quickly. Items *'Happy Meal': Deep fried goodness. And by that, I mean garbage. It'll slightly heal Duke and is rather common. *'Big Boyz Meal': A Happy Meal, but with 100% more diabetes. It's less common but will heal Duke a decent amount. *'Last Meal': A feast fit for a king. Or in this case, a president. It'll fully heal Duke but is rather rare. *'Weed': In the future, everything is legal. Especially weed. Duke can smoke some to continually heal himself, but make his senses dulled. *'Steroids': The drug of a CHAMPION. Steroids make it so Duke can't use weapons temporarily, but his speed and melee strength are doubled. Good for close combat situations. *'Invincibility Star': An actual goddamn star. Like, the sun. It'll make Duke flash and be invincible. Why? Duke's just that cool. *'Duke's Nudes': Some.....inappropriate pictures that Duke can find and show to his foes. Anyone who sees it will be sent running for the hills, except bosses. It can be used only once per pic though. Vehicles *'VROOM-VROOM 001': An expiremental hovercraft that is the most common vehicle. It has no attack and isn't too durable, but it can reach admirable top speeds and is good for most terrains. *'VROOM-VROOM 80085': An upgraded VROOM-VROOM that is more rare than the original, but also completely surperior to it, having upgrades stats all around and now having a laser pistol mounted on it. *'Sandy': A gigantic armored vehicle made for the sands. It has a despicable top speed but controls well and has a large amount of attack power which you can use by running over the oppponent. I guess you could say it's rough, and coarse, and gets everywhere. *'Frosty': A light hovercraft made for cold planets. It's the fastest vehicle in the game but is very fragile. It has a unique attribute in the form of a grappling hook that can swing your opponents away or help you progress. *'Jetpacks': Motherfucking jetpacks, son!!!! *'X-Wing': This vehicle is only accessible in The Subpar Escape. It's armed with two laser cannons and is decently resilient and controls rather well. It can also pick up torpedoes to do more damage to harder opponents. Don't sue us Disney! *'DICKBAGS Cruiser': A gigantic DICKBAGS fleet and the best vehicle in the game. It's massive, fast, durable, and is mounted with various defenses. Fit for a roaring rampage of revenge. Levels Prologue *'Duke Nukem For Never': The tutorial level. It takes place at Duke's inaguration, in a rather small closed off area where the audience are evacuating. Learn the basic controls and mechanics and kill the hostiles to complete the level. Episode I *'Die Another Day': Another tutorial level aboard a DICKBAGS ship. This level is medium sized and quite explorable, having a number of little secrets and no real hostiles. It'll allow you to get acquainted with turrets, vehicles, regenerating, and the weapons of the future. Simply complete the basic tasks and report to Admiral Rackbar once you're finished. *'Cry Me An Oasis': The first true level, which is rather open. Duke begins in a desolate desert and must make his way through it, into a canyon, past some ancient ruins to the weapons stronghold. Nothing especially difficult or unique here, just don't get too cocky and be prepared for alien enemies. *'Into Darkness': This level takes place inside the abandoned stronghold. It's a bit harder and darker, having an open maze like labyrinth. Explore to find better weapons and utilize the dark to surprise the rather strong hostiles here. *'Brr': This level takes place on Chili, an ice planet. Duke starts out in a snowfield, must scale a mountain using the ice caves, and then confront the aliens in their camp. This level has medium difficulty and allows you to utilize icicles and snowballs as weapons and distractions. *'Things Get Steamy': This level takes place on Mufasa, a lava planet. Duke starts on the mountainside, must climb it and avoid the flowing magma, and then enter a large base floating over the lava where the aliens are. The level has medium difficulty and has the gimmick of various mechanisms that can allow Duke to use the lava and rocks against his opponents. *'Cloud Shitty': This level takes place on Aspirin, a planet in the clouds. Duke must make his way through the aerial city. The level has medium difficulty, and the gimmick of ziplines and jetpacks that will assist Duke in navigation and allow him to fight aerially. *'Plot Twist': This level takes place on the DICKBAGS main ship. Duke just needs to run the FUCK away and reach the escape pod by killing those chasing him and disabling the security systems. Utilize these systems to trap and stun your pursuers. This level is hard. Episode II *'From Worst to Worstest': The first level on Shithole IV. You'll need to navigate the swampy waters and avoid thorny branches while shooting down the hostile creatures lurking there. Reach Z-Cup to end the level. This level is hard. *'Pointless Diversion': The second level on Shithole IV. Navigate the swamp maze and fight the armored alien at the end. This level is hard. *'The Subpar Escape': A rather unique level where Duke pilots an X-Wing. This level is completely different, being a spoof of the Rogue One ''series where Duke must destroy three DICKBAGS ships and take down the spaceships guarding the larger ships. *'We Fucked Up': A level aboard the main DICKBAGS ship. This level is incredibly difficult and must be lost, being a rather small area where enemies constantly enter to destroy Duke. Die to win. *'Giant Mechs & Shit': Another unique level where you control Z-Cup inside a mecha. It's similar to the last level, but allows you to pilot the mecha so you can have the firepower to take down the army. The mecha is armed with a chainsaw, a machine gun, and a rocket launcher. It's really fucking awesome. *'Nuke 'Em': This level is the most difficult regular level and features every previous gimmick in addition to very powerful enemies. Take the ship, advance through the fortress, and confront the DICKBAGS to win. Episode III *'Revenge of the Trump': This level takes place in a coliseum where it's just Duke vs. Trump in single combat. Defeat him to win. *'The Final Battle, For Real': This level takes place in the abandoned arena and is simply waves of waves of robots followed by a battle with Z-Cup. Defeat her to win. Epilogue *'What Fourth Wall?: A fun level where you storm Inora HQ and beat the shit out of the staff. Reach Sr.Wario to complete the level. It's not especially unique or hard, but allows you to utilize every vehicle and weapon to obliterate the HQ. *'''Duke Returns: A reconstruction of Hollywood Holocaust ''from ''Duke Nukem 3D, faithfully restoring everything from that level with the mechanics of this game and the sexy HD graphics. Very visually appealing (just like Duke). Reception TBA Trivia *The box art resembles the box art for Halo 5, featuring Z-Cup in the background, Duke Nukem on the right, and a sleeping Master Chief on the left, with marker on his head that reads "FUCK YOU MICROSOFT".